Today is my father’s 70th birthday. I realize that I tend to post more about my mom than I do my dad. I often feel this isn’t fair to him. I’ve always had a more complicated relationship with my father. For a long time, I felt that the only things my dad and I had in common were baseball (which I played through the age of 18 but no longer play/don’t follow as closely as I once did) and Sigma Chi (the fraternity we both joined in college and through which I made some of my closest college friends). While this is a vast oversimplification, it’s a belief that I held for too long and that I feel limited the depth of our relationship. I often felt growing up that my father and I had different personalities, beliefs, and habits as individuals. While this may be true, I think I often overemphasized it in my mind.
Regardless of the seeming “differences” that we had (real or imagined), my father has always been one thing throughout my entire life: unequivocally, exceptionally, and steadfastly SUPPORTIVE of me and whatever goals I pursue. I was fortunate that we both shared a love for baseball my first 18 years of life. This love gave us a common language to communicate through. It also allowed him to coach me, mentor me, and cheer for me throughout my adolescence. My grandfather was a trucker who was rarely home and failed to see my father thrive as a multisport athlete in a small town. This left a lasting mental impression on my dad. It also made him determined to parent me differently.
My father took pains to make it to all my games. While he couldn’t always make it to every one of my year-round baseball games, he damn near did and certainly made every effort possible to be in attendance. I never doubted that he tried his very best to be there no matter how stressful his work became. This never went unnoticed by me, and I love him tons for it. We created many memories travelling to baseball tournaments in his 2003 grand Cherokee together. As a teenager that became my first car. My favorite part of that Jeep was the nostalgia it held from all of the baseball tournaments we drove to throughout my childhood. It was like a family van, albeit a much sportier one.
When I attended flight school after college, I lived at home in NSB. I moved back and forth between my mom’s and dad’s. My dad travelled to Georgia a lot for work, but I made a deliberate effort to be with him as much as possible when he was home. We would often take walks after dinner, just me and him. I would ask him questions about life, relationships, his upbringing, and what it was like to cope with raising my brother Billy throughout his five liver transplants. These were some of my favorite conversations I’ve ever had with him and the first time in my life where I felt like he was talking to me as an adult. I cherished these conversations and want to create more space in my life to have many more of them with him.
Despite my father being highly successful in his career, and my expectations (also unfounded) that he would have strong opinions on how I live my life, he has been largely hands off after moving out for college. In college he never pressured me to major in anything, after college he never pressured me to work any type of job, and to this point in my life he’s never offered unsolicited advice on how I should be living my life. This aspect of our relationship has always surprised me. Sometimes I wish he was more overbearing and gave me more advice on my life and goals, (maybe he feels I wouldn’t listen to it, which is a fair assumption on his part) like telling me they’re awesome, or stupid, or unrealistic, or some combination of all three. As I’ve matured and reflected, I’ve grown to think this is his way of loving me and supporting me as best as he knows how to. I’ve come to appreciate him for it more and more. Perhaps its my job to seek out advice and ask questions of him instead of assuming he should offer it to me. Life is complicated and relationships with parents can be messy, but I am extremely grateful for my dad. I know that my dad has got my back wherever I go, whoever I meet, and whatever goals I pursue. While I’m still working and learning to communicate with him in a better way, I love that he’s my father and am IMMENSELY fortunate for all the support he’s given me throughout my life. I know he will ALWAYS show up for me when I need him the most. At the end of the day, what more could I possibly ask for in a parent?
I love you Daddio and happy birthday old man. Please go retire now and take the best possible care of yourself so we can enjoy your retirement together and take you on many rafting trips in Idaho like you said you want to.
Love,
Your favorite (and only) youngest son,
Robert
This is as profound as it is beautiful. It makes me very happy to read all of your feelings and discoveries about your dad. It was the most important responsibility in my life, and it was the biggest honor and joy to be your Aunt Mary and to be your caregiver when both your parents were out of town working. I am going through so many of those same experiences again but for a much more typical reason of a 2 job household. Although sometimes my niece travels for conferences, it is much more likely that both parents are in town and home by dinner time. Your family had challenges that most people will never comprehend. I learned so much from you and Billy but also I learned so much from your parents. I hope I can bring some of that insight to these 2 little guys. I make sure to tell them that taking care of them is my most important job. I tell them that 1st I must make sure they are safe. And I also must make sure they are healthy in body and mind. But most of all, I must make sure that they know they are loved…by me and by their entire extended family. We were all so busy back then that I don’t know if I ever made sure to tell you those same things as directly as I tell them. But I hope you knew it. I love you with all my heart. Always have…always will. 💙💙